Forgiveness and Boundaries
I’ve learned from personal experience that forgiveness means different things to different people. However, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. I remember being shamed for not being able to forgive the stepdad for his indiscretions fully. Why would I need to forgive him? He was the one who violated me. I did nothing wrong I was a child.
He hurt me, and I felt that what he did would define who I was for the rest of my life. After years of holding onto hatred and secrets, I picked up a book called The Miracle of Forgiveness. I couldn’t finish chapters because I didn’t want to believe what I was reading. It took me a few years to finish the book. But when I did, it gave me a reason to consider that forgiving him may be more for me than for him. The book taught me that forgiving him could lessen its grip on me and help free me from the control he still had over me. The book taught me that forgiveness could even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for him. I wanted to forgive him so I could find peace and let go of the hard heart I had created over the years.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to forget or excuse the harm done to you. If my daughter was raped, I could eventually forgive the offender, but I would never invite the person over for dinner. Forgiveness brings peace that can help you go on with life. If you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude, and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Boundaries:
It is a life skill well worth learning more about. It is the practice of openly communicating and asserting personal values to preserve and protect against being compromised or violated.
I first learned about boundaries years ago when a friend told me about boundaries she had to set with her mother. I loved her mother and could not understand why anyone would need to have boundaries with someone they loved. I have since taken classes and done a lot of research surrounding boundaries.
When you love someone and want to keep them in your life, it is not only important but healthy for both parties to create boundaries together. This is not a one-sided demand and should never be treated as such.
Here are different types of boundaries we can set for ourselves
- Physical Boundaries are the ones we set for ourselves to ensure physical safety and proximity. Where and when we go places, and what we are comfortable with physically from others. Sexuality and what we agree to or do not agree to.
- Time Boundaries What we set to create a healthy schedule and mindset for expectation. These may include setting limits on how much time you wish to spend with someone. Its balance.
- Conversational Boundaries are setting limits about what event or topic we are comfortable discussing and what topics we do not feel comfortable talking about. Many times, it includes religion, politics, and your view on sexuality
- Relationship Boundaries are limits that are discussed and agreed upon with your partner, family members, coworkers, and friends.
- Personal Boundaries are important guidelines and rules we set for ourselves. We should be aware of our needs and the needs of others. This is how we can respect and meet those needs in a healthy way.
