Conflict Resolution
We all know there are many reasons to have a conflict with a friend, spouse, family member, or co-worker. I have learned that no matter the cause of the conflict, disagreement, or dispute, it’s essential to have skills that can help you constructively resolve the problem and keep your relationship. It’s okay not to have the same opinion, but it is essential to respect the other person’s views.
I believe conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. Two people can’t be expected to agree all the time. I also think it’s most important not to be fearful or avoid conflict but to learn how to resolve it healthily.
If conflict is not managed correctly, it can cause harm to a relationship. Still, when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between the people involved.
I have created a process for responding to all types of conflict, which has proven to work with 100% of my clients. I recently had a dispute with a person I enjoy being around but did not feel she was enjoying being around me. I have had this limiting belief that she does not like me, and I was okay with that because not every relationship is equal. When I confronted her about it, the conversation did not go as I had planned, and we both said things we shouldn’t have. I was very disappointed in myself and discussed it with my husband. He said, “You must be experiencing stress because I have never heard you talk like that, and I know your formula for conflict resolution works.”
The accumulation of hurt feelings I had felt from her was limited beliefs. They were not facts. I held onto those beliefs for over a year, and that day I let her know exactly how she had hurt me. Of course, there is no excuse for my behavior. I let the hurt turn into anger, and we had a blowout argument. I have since apologized, as did she, and I believe we will move forward. But I learned a valuable lesson and one that I will never forget.
Conflict 101
- A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It’s a situation where one or both parties perceive a threat, whether the danger is fact or not
- When a feeling is ignored, it festers. Conflicts involve a perceived threat to our survival or well-being. Most of the time, they will stay with the person until we resolve the problem.
- How we respond to conflicts is based on our perceptions of the situation. It is not necessarily an objective view of the facts.
- Conflicts frequently trigger strong emotions. When you are not comfortable with your feelings or can manage them in times of stress, you probably won’t be able to resolve a successful conflict.
- Conflicts should be an opportunity for growth in the relationship. When you have the tools and learn how to resolve healthy conflicts, it builds trust.
What are the causes of conflict in a relationship? Most arguments happen because of differences, both large and small. Conflict occurs when people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. If you are experiencing conflict, I will teach you how to handle any situation.
